Two are better than one.

That’s true when it comes to dollar bills, championships for your team, new episodes of Lost and barbecue sandwiches. And if you live in Utah, add wives to the list. That doesn’t apply to black eyes, late payments, and visits to the dentist in the same month.

But Solomon wasn’t talking about any of those things… Though he could certainly make an educated claim about the wives aspect. No, he was talking about friends. The guys who are at your side. Your wingmen. The dudes who outside of your wife, are always there for you. You can call them any time of the night, they listen when you need to rant, and can give you the gut check you need when you’re out of touch with reality. It may sting, but they know you need it, so they swing away. And you accept it because of who they are.

Sol’s dad David had one in Jonathan. Maverick had Goose. Lloyd Christmas had Harry. And despite his name, even the Lone Ranger had one in Tonto… Which leads me to my next point.

Culture tells us that (besides being idiots) real men need to be macho lone rangers who can go it on their own in life. They don’t need help from anybody or any thing. Otherwise, they’re soft. Weak. But the wisest man to have ever lived (who had many wives despite not living in Utah) had a much, much different perspective when it comes to having a band of brothers in your life that influence how you live:

Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:

If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!

1. Read Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 out loud. What stands out to you?

The good return–a couple of guys pointed out that having influencers in your life and people who hold you accountable lead to something good in the end. It’s not in vain.

“But pity the man…” The New Revised Mr. T Translation would go something like this: “I pity the fool who has no men in his life, because if he gets in trouble, he’s toast.” So many guys don’t have this aspect in their lives, and they suffer from it. It’s tricky though, because most of them don’t even realize they need it until they’ve experienced it (kind of like HD).

2. Describe a time someone helped you up in a big way.

It was interesting… everyone at the table bought into this concept of two are better than one, so there were way too many stories to tell here. But I’ll share one that happened later that evening. It just so happened that my once-a-month accountability group was meeting the night after UNC. I was sharing an ordeal that’s been going on in my life, and how God brought something that potentially might help, but that I really didn’t want to do. They pretty much set me straight. Funny thing is, my wife said the same thing. So it’s worthwhile having guys who can confirm what your better half thinks. Well… some times :).

3. List some things that get in the way of authenticity:

Pride. Pride. Pride. Pride. We don’t want to let our guard down, so we hide behind an image that veils what’s really lurking inside us. One we think is acceptible. Did I mention pride?

Time, effort, concerted desire, laziness, business, inconvenience. But pride’s the big one.

4. Do you believe men need the fellowship of other men? How and when?

Yes and all the time. That wasn’t always the case, but once experienced, none of us could see how a believer can fully walk with the Lord to the degree He desires for us without having that band of brothers in your life. David had his Mighty Men. Solomon had a counsel of many. Jesus had his 12. Paul had Barny, Tim and couple of Greek-named guys. Why should we think that we need it any different?

5. What role does God play in your connection to men?

Without Him, it’s a tailgating session, a hunting club or bowling league. Add God to the mix, and walls get flattened and real life-change starts happening. Authentic connections are born and ground-breaking community begins.

6. What role do men play in your relationship with God?

A very significant one. From the guys at the table, to monthly groups that help sharpen our lives as husbands, fathers and followers of Christ. It’s kind of like AMEX–don’t go through life without it.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this
world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the
world.”   John 16:33

I have to admit that Dan’s newsletter this week and his set-up for our discussion at the tables really struck “home” for me!   You see….. I have been a trouble-avoider!  Some would say a non-confronter.  For various reasons I have chosen since childhood to base my significance and identity on the opinions of others.  It was so important for me to be liked (or loved) by everyone!  And in order to be liked by everyone I had to please them…….And in order to please them I had to stuff my frustrations, my feelings of rejection and my anger……….and when anger gets stuffed it will build up like hot lava in a volcano!  We have all experienced the “eruption” of “hot anger” that eventually comes out when someone has reached their “boiling point!”  Talk about trouble…..!  Well, just know that God has continued to pursue me in various ways, and yes, there has been trouble!!  And lots of it!  Not because He enjoyed seeing me squirm but because He loves me and knew that “trouble” was the best medicine for me.

As Dan pointed out in the newsletter,  we avoid trouble because we think that “happiness” is the absence of trouble.  We attempt to control everything around us so that we can be “pain free”!  How is then that Paul can sing in prison,  consider is “troubles” gain and then finally state, unequivocally, that “suffering is a gift”?!!  So is trouble good or is it bad…..?  Fasten your seat belts….. because if you haven’t experienced much of it….maybe you should?  Don’t worry, if you haven’t found trouble yet….Jesus says you will…….because He knows that trouble is good if it breaks us and finally brings us into a close, intimate relationship with him!   Now that’s a real blessing!

Based on the following questions about John 16:33, here’s what we discussed at our table:

1. Read this verse out loud. What stands out to you?

We focused on “in me”….and the fact that Jesus was providing a key principle for experiencing peace, and that is…. by “resting in”, “by remaining or abiding in”, or staying in “close proximity to” Him, we can have an “un-troubled well-being” even in the midst of trouble!  We also focused on the fact that Jesus was “guaranteeing” that we would have trouble! This is a fact because we live in a “fallen” world and as long as we choose to be autonomous from God we will make selfish choices which produce consequences that impact everyone .   Someone commented that “take heart” stood out for them because it was Jesus’s way of saying “be courageous” and “be confident”.

2. What does trouble look like to you?

Trouble to us can take on many forms i.e.  affliction, bad or broken relationships, pain, suffering, death, sadness, etc.  As someone said……”The big dog visits everybody’s yard!”  On the other hand, we acknowledged that what often is perceived as trouble today is later perceived as a blessing because it forced us to face the fact that we are not really in control which in turn increased our dependence on God.

3.  Do you believe walking with God will bring you more trouble or less?  Explain.

In one sense we want to believe that we will be “blessed” if we are obedient.  That is…..that things will go well, that we will avoid problems and have lives devoid of major problems.  But we also had to remind ourselves of the troubles that all of the Apostles faced in spite of their radical obedience.  (Hmmmm……….. could troubles actually be good for us?)

4. Do you encourage other men to walk with God? How and when?

Yes, we sometimes encourage men to walk with God but perhaps not as often as we could.  We do this thru daily, weekly and monthly encounters in the marketplace, in our neighborhoods, via our phones and emailing.

5. Name some environments/places that encourage you to walk with God?

We encourage other men in places like our offices and our homes as well as strategic environments like UnC, Iron Man groups, one-on-one mentoring/discipling/counseling relationships, church sponsored small groups and neighborhood bible studies.

6. What does it mean to take heart?

We felt “to take heart” meant “don’t worry be happy”, be of good cheer, have courage and be confident in and trust in Me.

Trouble is upon you and you must choose. Will you avoid it or confront it?

“Ummm… I’ll take a #1 to-go… does that come with a toy?”

Truth is, most men prefer to avoid trouble. In fact, we spend an inordinate amount of “us” playing it safe and hedging our options.

Now, I’m not saying avoiding trouble is always a bad thing. The instinct awoke in Eden as a means to mitigate the impact of the curse.

I am saying there is a place where self-interest and comfort become idols. And, in this culture, the pursuit of these idols goes mostly unchecked. Such is even encouraged in quarters by people who should know better.

The man who designs his model around trouble-avoidance builds upon two dangerous lies that will ultimately consume him.

The first is the notion that trouble can be avoided.

Jesus told His friends, “In this world you will have trouble.”

He explained that life was about to get hard, that things were going to change. Jesus looked to the trouble of the Cross and the hope that lay beyond it.

There will come seasons where you cannot (and should not) try to flank the lineman, where you must drop your head and brace for the collision.

Trouble will force you to choose between peace with this world and peace with God.

This brings us to the second lie about trouble, the notion that all trouble is bad.

Jesus said, “I have told you these things so that you may have peace…”

Huh? Trouble brings peace? Explain yourself…

Jesus is talking about peace between God and men. Bad news in this world can be good news for this world.

Jesus hands us two facts and a command here:

Fact #1: You WILL have trouble in this world. Count on it.

Fact #2: “I have overcome the world.”

Walking with God will carry you to seasons of trouble.

Will you try to avoid trouble by not making waves, staying neutral, negotiating a settlement, and compromising your core?

Or, will you do as Jesus commanded?

Jesus said, “Take heart…”

Peace with God is within reach because Jesus chose the trouble. In this world we have trouble, but in Jesus we have life.